“Remember they’re just jokes. We’re gonna die soon and there’s no sequel.”
It was the disclaimer that wasn’t really a disclaimer because what Ricky Gervais was about to say during his opening monologue at the 2020 Golden Globe Awards was brutal.
Speaking with The Hollywood Reporter on the red carpet prior to the show, the 58-year-old comedian gave a little insight into the tone of his speech. “That first time I [hosted the awards, I thought], ‘Do I pander to the 200 privileged egos in the room, or do I try and entertain a global audience of 200 million people sitting at home who aren’t winning awards?’” Gervais said. “Well, no contest. I try and make it a spectator sport. I try and play the outsider. It would be nauseating for me to come out and go, ‘Hey, George, how you doing, thanks for letting me use your villa. Hey, Brad, see you tonight, yeah?’ It’s horrible. I’ve got to be the bloke sitting at home who shouldn’t have been invited. That’s who I’ve got to be.”
Promising it was the fifth – and last – time he would be hosting the awards, Gervais pulled out no stops and targeted everyone from Felicity Huffman to Leonardo DiCaprio. He was dancing a fine line as well, with some celebs seen holding in laughs to racist and inappropriate jokes behind other guests’ backs (Hello, Gwyneth Paltrow) while others were completely mortified – like Tom Hanks who was seen shaking his head in bemusement as to how the Hollywood Foreign Press agreed to give Gervais the gig again.
Here are some of the highlights.
On Jeffrey Epstein:
No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to cinema, no one really watches network TV. Everyone is watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out, going, “Well done Netflix. You win everything. Good night.” But no, we got to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. That’s a show about a man who wants to kill himself cause his wife dies of cancer and it’s still more fun than this. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way so in the end he obviously didn’t kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know he’s your friend but I don’t care.
On Leonardo DiCaprio:
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew was like, “Come on, Leo, mate. You’re nearly 50-something.”
On the movie, Cats:
The world got to see James Corden as a fat pussy. He was also in the movie Cats. No one saw that movie. And the reviews, shocking. I saw one that said, “This is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs.” But Dame Judi Dench defended the film saying it was the film she was born to play because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg and licking her a**. (Coughs) Hairball. She’s old-school.
On Apple TV+:
It’s the last time, who cares? Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing, made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. Well, you say you’re woke but the companies you work for in China — unbelievable. Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started a streaming service you’d call your agent, wouldn’t you?
On movie stars being uneducated:
So if you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. So if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent, and your God and f**k off, OK?